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Teen angst is inert;
burned out and faded away.
I thought it would hurt,
but it's caused me no pain.
You may come as you were,
but you won't sound the same.

With the lights on, it's less dangerous;
here we are now,
time has aged us.
We were stupid,
and contageous,
we are here now,
but time has changed us.

Pointless defiance is insignificant;
while dead rebels lead no cause.
Apathy precedes the discontent,
in which this era ends.
This we must accept,
no more time to pretend.

With the lights on, it's less dangerous;
here we are now,
time made us.
My first real piece of work in more than a year, almost two to be honest. There is something to be said about the first piece of writing after a long drought; but I wouldn't call it satisfaction, more or less it is relief that it eventually came.

This deals with some things I have been thinking about the past few months, likely iniated by my changed musical preference. The influence of the second stanza should be obvious to most people, as well as some references in the first. I don't know if this will make sense to many of you, but it does to me. I may have to do something to edit it, and I hope any problems are commented on, as I want to improve.

Humble Thanks,
-gh
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpercipientfish:
PercipientFish Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2009  Student Artist
THANK YOU! Good God I wan wondering when someone would give a good roundhouse slap to every stupid teenager out there. >< I'm a teenager too, but I know that being defiant against any adult, let alone your parents, for no good reason is just stupid. Very flowing, and the number of syllables in each line is just right.
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:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009
Belated thanks
Reply
:iconjulia237:
Julia237 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2008
Absolutely amazing. Your punctuation is phonomenal. I suck at it when I write poetry. Everything seemed correct no big mistakes that I can see. :clap:
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:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009
belated thanks
Reply
:iconjulia237:
Julia237 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2009
Welcome.
Reply
:iconbassofwww:
bassofwww Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2008
hey dude
long ago (start of january) you liked a writing of mine and you suggested checking yours out and i said yes and meant to then forgot then i saw the comment later and i was like crap
so im checking things out now lol sorry
and so far im impressed :D
Reply
:iconseaofthoughts:
SeaOfThoughts Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2008
great job, beautifully written.
Reply
:iconhilarylea:
hilaryLEA Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2008   Photographer
This is really easy to relate to.
It's an excellent piece and describes teen angst with lots of light shed in it.
Good job!
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008
Thanks! I really think this is my last poem of that genre
Reply
:icon77th-brigade:
77th-Brigade Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2008
Love it, love the reference, awesome poem.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008
Thanks!
Reply
:iconjekodama:
jekodama Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely, and really touching. The cadence of the words makes me think in music. It has a beautiful flow. The third stanza is really powerful, and I specially loved this lines:

"Pointless defiance is insignificant;
while dead rebels lead no cause."

This makes me think about friendships and changes, and probably not for good, or so they seem. You're right, it's a great achievement when after a long time you manage to spit all those words that were littering your brain but you couldn't get out. Beautiful.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2008
Thanks so much for your comment!
Reply
:icondarthvicky6:
Darthvicky6 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2007
Oh wow....

I can't even describe how good that is..lol
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2007
Hey Thanks!
Reply
:icondarthvicky6:
Darthvicky6 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2007
Your welcome :)
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2007
:) Could you check out [link] too, if you don't mind. I'd love some feedback. :)
Reply
:icondarthvicky6:
Darthvicky6 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2007
SURE!
Reply
:iconbellapotter:
BellaPotter Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
I loved it; and I saw very few things to be changed, if anything at all.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2007
Thanks!
Reply
:iconsick-karma:
sick-karma Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2007  Hobbyist Artist
Very well done and it sounds good.
I'd point out flaws but I can't find any, and I doubt there are any, but in case there are.. I have an excuse.. (:
I've been up for more then 28 hours so excuse me not being able to think as clear as day.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2007
LoL, thanks! Go to bed
Reply
:iconfr3nzyv0gu3:
fr3nzyv0gu3 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Nirvanaaaa.

Haha. Now I need to go download some shit, thanks a lot -_-

...But I digress.

Besides the whole "Nirvana" thing (and who wouldn't notice =D)... a lot of emotion in this.

I can't really say anything that hasn't been said yet ^_^;;

Just... this is absolutely delicious.

Faveosity.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks! I am glad you liked it!
Reply
:iconhollowx:
hollowX Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
we don't realize who we are until we find where the switch is. I like the whole "lights on concept". Very interesting.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks! Glad you liked it!
Reply
:icondemonpudding:
demonpudding Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Hobbyist Photographer
i was gonna ask about the nirvana thing haha

this is a good work of literature.
its really deep, and it says so much.
i totally love this! ^_^
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
LoL, yeah....its kinda obvious if you look at it. :P
Reply
:icondemonpudding:
demonpudding Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Hobbyist Photographer
haha ik, but it seems pretty emotional and deep to me...good job on this writing :clap:
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks!
Reply
:icondemonpudding:
demonpudding Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Hobbyist Photographer
yw [:
Reply
:iconphantomiserik:
PhantomisErik Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
I love your poem. It has alot of feeling in it
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlostaria108:
LostAria108 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Student General Artist
"...time has aged us....
...time made us."

Love the parallel in these lines, especially since you ended in that line. This really made the ending of the kind at the end of a book that shoot and stop you heart, if only for an instant.

Rhyming scheme is good, and though I love the meaning in this line, I THINK that "We were stupid," MAY throw off your rhyming scheme.

I'm definitely an offender of that, I need a specific line to fit in a certain spot and cannot find any synonyms that make it rhyme, though usually I don't realize it until someone points it out to me or until I realize it on my own later. There may be another spot where it is off, I can't say for sure. This could also all be my mistake

"You may come as you were,
but you won't sound the same."

Love these lines very much.

Good portrayal and relation to readers throughout the poem, gets across a certain truth.

Very, very well done. Always seems to come back, huh?
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks for the great comment! This piece was meant in a lot of ways to follow "Smells like teen spirit", so the stupid reference was a direct one to the song.

Thanks again!
Reply
:iconlostaria108:
LostAria108 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Student General Artist
Hahaha I should have guessed, I feel ashamed. Love Nirvana though, Great piece, much love to it.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks!
Reply
:iconteela-y:
Teela-Y Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Student Writer
Each word is like a precise cut of a a blade. Well said is each line, and though it leaves me lingering almost, I feel that only adds to the beauty of it.

Excellently written; you have captured this well.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks! I am glad you liked it!
Reply
:iconteela-y:
Teela-Y Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007  Student Writer
Really, it was my pleasure.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2007
Thanks for the watch too!
Reply
:iconxboneyardsorceress:
xBoneyardSorceress Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2007
Oh wow. I like this. Not sure if I can truly relate to it, but I enjoy it nonetheless.
I think I'm still in that state of mind. x

But. Heh. Nirvana is the dirty, angst filled teenager in all of us.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2007
LoL, nicely put. Thanks1
Reply
:iconabstractcompliment:
AbstractCompliment Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2007
That's very nice, that one, can relate to it :)
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2007
:) Glad you could relate
Reply
:iconglidergem:
glidergem Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2007
Oh this I like. If you can mix the existing and the emotion this well in your works then your are in for a good future of writing. I'm not the best person to critique on writing styles etc. I may have studied English but I'm one of those non conformists that write from raw emotions to paper so I tend to keep whatever punctuation, etc.that appears at that time. Everything must have meaning - if not to others then to yourself. But I digress :) - I like your work here!
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:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2007
thanks for the comment! :)
Reply
:iconpunchdrunklover:
PunchDrunkLover Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2007
check your spelling on contagious.

again, a valid concept although a tad outplayed as of late.
none of the lines really spoke to me except for this one,
"With the lights on, it's less dangerous;"
which had a profound effect on me.
i'm not sure how to describe it though.
Reply
:iconelectrobaby:
ElectroBaby Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2007
obvious musical influence :D

You may come as you were,
but you won't sound the same.---- I think this captures the subject very well.
Reply
:iconghbatt:
ghbatt Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2007
Thanks! Glad you liked it!
Reply
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