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Pharmacologically Yours by ~ghbatt:iconghbatt:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Open


Stridor in your sleep,
an irregular heart beat
-your congestive heart is failing.
Your heart has grown,
(pathological as opposed to romantic)
and I know my love you're ailing;
but I can't be your beta blocker, baby.
There's a third party problem
which I can't seem to erase.
Don't look to me for ACE inhibition...
Tachycardia, as your heart begins to race,
tears on skin of lace;
I hope you survive without the cure.


I'm sorry,
I couldn't be pharmacologically Yours.
©2007-2009 ~ghbatt
:iconghbatt:

Author's Comments

Here is a piece I started writing during finals last semester; and it happens to be about pharmacology, well the metaphor deals with congestive heart failure, and a large amount of pharmacy issues. The terms used here are a bit weird I admit, and there is a lot of medical jargon thrown it for effect...which may make the piece confusing/hard to read. But remember; its educational! :)

It's a bit rough, so comment hard if you could. :)

Comments


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:iconsayastarshine:
~SayaStarshine Dec 25, 2007, 7:00:05 PM
I really like it. Some parts don't seem to flow that well, though, but it might be because I can't seem to annunciate the words right. Otherwise, I think it is very very clever. Great job!

--
I'm not artistic. I'm just really, really bored.
:iconghbatt:
~ghbatt Dec 25, 2007, 7:02:09 PM
Thanks a lot! Indeed, the pronunciation of a lot of the words would make a big difference on the flow of the piece. :) Any parts in particular?
:iconsayastarshine:
~SayaStarshine Dec 25, 2007, 7:04:58 PM
Just when you use the big medical words. The one part that stuck out was:

"Your heart has grown,
(which pathological as opposed to romantic)
and I know my love you're ailing;"

The part in the parenthesis.

--
I'm not artistic. I'm just really, really bored.
:iconghbatt:
~ghbatt Dec 25, 2007, 7:06:36 PM
Hmmm, originally that was

(which is not a romantic sentiment)

but it seemed to be too cliche to me?
:iconsayastarshine:
~SayaStarshine Dec 25, 2007, 7:13:38 PM
Hmm...would it make sense if it was just

"Your heart has grown,
(pathological as opposed to romantic)
and I know my love you're ailing;"

--
I'm not artistic. I'm just really, really bored.
:iconghbatt:
~ghbatt Dec 25, 2007, 7:14:52 PM
Thanks, I like that. :)
:iconsayastarshine:
~SayaStarshine Dec 25, 2007, 7:19:51 PM
Glad I could help. ^-^

--
I'm not artistic. I'm just really, really bored.
:iconout-on-a-limb:
~out-on-a-limb Dec 25, 2007, 7:48:23 PM
This is a great bit of work. I was wondering why Yours was capitalized at the end. I love the surviving without a cure line.

--
x x x

Proud member! [link]
"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."

x x x
:iconghbatt:
~ghbatt Dec 25, 2007, 7:50:29 PM
Thanks.

I wanted to capitalize the 'Yours' to create a sense of power to the pronoun. The only instance of it being capitilized in popular writing is in the bible, when referring to God....so I used it here for that. Make sense?
:iconlocked-in-the-floor:
~Locked-in-the-Floor Dec 25, 2007, 8:06:02 PM
I like it. I like how it can have a bit of a metaphorical meaning. And I like all that jargon =)

--
~Believer, believe it or not, you'll know,
When it ends and how it goes~
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