I laugh off a bad joke,
and wash it down whiskey.
I don't trust a word I say,
and I know you don't believe me.
I'm in love for the fourth time tonight;
I wonder will it last?
I've had love that'd last forever,
all those loves are in the past.
Another bad joke,
washed down as before.
It seems every time I am burned,
I feel less like a whore.
Third drink now at the bar;
I'm standing there alone.
I didn't like you anyway;
your history is known.
All the time I had to waste,
for nothing to be gained.
Drinking whiskey from the bar,
but I still have that aftertaste.
I'm in love for the fifth time tonight;
I wonder will it last?
I've never been in love before,
but that time is in the past.
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Author's Comments
This piece was written a little over a week ago; but I have been so busy that I haven't gotten around to submitting it. It is not especially deep, or anything, but I think the undertones work decently.
Thanks for you time, I hope you can leave some feedback. Thanks, -gh |
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Comments
that line really stuck out to me. I like how that stanza and the last one relate. The rest of the poem's wonderful as well
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new deviantart: [link]
You're right that it's not very deep and it sounds a little melodramatic. I mean, I can see it happening to anybody and I like the way you've made it an intellectual experience instead of an obvious-type poem, and I'm glad that you recognize that it's not the deepest of works...it shows that you know what you're doing, but it's a little chaotic with the numbers.
Maybe that was intentional, the chaos of finding love in the drink, but I tried to follow the number of drinks versus the times of falling in love and got lost.
All in all. A good job.
--
Extra nutmeg and a stroke of jeanius are what make me.
Unfortunately, general instructions do not exist.
When I cannot muster an answer, in the name of good, I always revert to zeros and ones, atoms and cells.
These basic functional units are the foundation of most things and relay many answers.
Great piece
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[link]
The living billboard is asking you to check out the link! It's not bad! Honest!
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I think there are certain parts where you are over describe your feelings and what is going on such in the fourth and fifth verse. Less is more. Overall, I really liked it.
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Sorablue
"Sometimes life sends lessons in ridiculous packaging." Darth Williams
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Emily [[Kicks Ass]] is taking Control. Peace \/
-gh
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